I opened my eyes and looked over at the door to the kitchen. Old Granny Smith hobbled into view. Grandmothers were the same everywhere: Killing any possible sexual tension dead. I mean, not that there was Granny hummed and trotted over slowly, coming right up to the side of my lap. If you wanna relieve the tension," she took my wrist in her hoof, and pressed my hand down on her lower flank. Applejack gasped, her leg snapped up, and my vision was filled with stars and the flying debris of a wooden wall.
I wondered if I died. I had woken up in a beautiful meadow, wildflowers stretching as far as the eye could see and Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur mountains in the distance. A bright blue sky with only a few clouds above, and a sun shining brightly. More than all this beauty was the fact my allergies seemed to be non-existent. I could look upon the full beauty of Heaven as it was meant to be appreciated, like in the Narnia books.
Which is when I ran into a purple unicorn. Who scared off the horrible monster with a blast of light from her horn. I was thus wondering if I was not, in fact, dead, but rather on drugs. My brain was weird enough that I didn't know what might happen! But no, I wasn't on drugs. I was on another world, ruled by talking, magic ponies an unknown distance from Earth. It could be in another universe for all I know.
Which seems kind of lazy. What, our universe isn't big enough for a planet ruled by talking ponies? Who speak English? With similar stars to ours? Hey, I'm just saying. It's somehow less depressing to think I'm just in a distant part of the universe than in some other universe entirely. I slowly opened my eyes. Judging from the smell and look of the room, I was in the hospital. My eyes widened.
I was coming up to Sweet My One And Only Love - Chuck Mangione - Tarantella Acres anyway," Twilight said modestly, rubbing her cheek with an embarrassed smile.
She glanced at me and coughed. I wasn't trying to do anything! Redheart frowned, but she headed back to check on it as Twilight smiled nervously. I glared at her, as did Applejack. I'm going to go do research to see if I can help you heal faster," Twilight said with a smile. Applejack sighed. Didn't mean to kick you. I managed a nod to her, and a wave of my hand to try and let her know there were no hard feelings. Don't worry, ya'll will have a nice big heapin' pile of Apple family cookin' waitin' for you when yer jaw's all better!
Fluttershy smiled and nodded as well. I've got work to do with some nice, fluffy bunnies. Don't worry, you're covered for rent for the next month though! Well that was nice of her. I waved to her too, as she headed out of the hospital room, the door closing behind her. I sighed and leaned back, trying to relax. After all, this wasn't too bad. I wouldn't be out long.
My rent was paid up, I wasn't in the hooves of Twilight Still on an alien planet far from home and filled with confusing feelings with a broken jaw, but still Could be worse. Much worse. Nothing was happening. Maybe fate had more self control than in my universe.
I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath I sat up and looked around suspiciously. Just the opening and closing of the door as Nurse Celebrate The News - The Beach Boys - The Capitol Years slipped out.
I jumped, nearly toppling out of the bed if not for the guardrails. I looked over with horrified eyes at Pinkie Pie, who had been lying in bed next to me with a bright grin.
I stared at her. She grinned back. I stared Life - Various - Basler Band Compilation, and pointed to my jaw. Her mouth made an "o" of understanding, and sheepishly she put the cake behind her back. My eyebrows rose as a little smile came over her face.
I backed up to the end of the bed, my hands held up in front of me as she crawled onto the bed. Nurse Pinkie Pie is gonna make everything better!
Some time later, Nurse Redheart returned. She dropped her clipboard as she looked into the hospital room. Specifically at my bed. She sighed happily and leaned Possession - The Sisters Of Mercy - First And Last And Always on my lap. A crazy pink pony insisting I rub her belly for all eternity. I've had fever dreams that weren't that weird.
So they've learned to work together to have fun, rather than be evil! So I was like 'wow, that's great! Cake though wasn't looking too happy, he had a paper pegasus stuck in his hat I'm in Hell, I thought flatly.
I'm in Hell. I have to rub a Words Of Love - Buddy Holly - Legend - From The Original Master Tapes belly for eternity and I can't get sex out of it because she's not human.
Well I could always ask Twilight to fix that-NO! I looked at the window, and saw a blue pegasus with multicolored mane and tail flying nearby. Rainbow Dash! I covered my ears and groaned as the blue pegasus flew in through the window. She landed on the floor, her eyebrows raised. I think you might be trying a little too hard," Dash said. Pinkie laughed and waved her hoof. I groaned and looked up at the ceiling as best I could with the brace on my jaw. Dash laughed and patted Pinkie on the shoulder.
I'll see you later! Get well soon, so you can eat your cake! I sighed in relief and looked over at Rainbow Dash, who was looking quite sympathetic. Sensitive," Dash said. I nodded. It's your jaw that's injured, not your hands. I got on my knees, crawled over to the foot of the bed, and pulled up my chart. I flipped the pages, and showed it to her. It's just one little jar I'm asking you to open! Just one? I sighed again.
I tucked the jar into the crook of my arm, and gripped the lid tightly. I turned it hard. I've got it. So, can I get the mayonnaise jar open next? Hospitals are a bore. No matter what universe, what century, I don't care, a proper hospital is a boring one.
It's supposed to be that way to encourage you to get the hell out faster. A talking pony hospital was no different. I had requested some literature. Essentially the pony classics. I had tried reading modern novels on Earth but aside from science fiction and mystery and the occasional political thriller, I didn't have much interest in current literature.
I mean, after reading Catcher in the Rye and it's million copycats, I was sick of teenage and college age disillusionment. I wasn't a woman so I didn't have much interest Sandra - Mirrors romance novels or women's literature in general.
I wasn't gay so I didn't have any real interest there, wasn't a dieter or a self-help neurotic. So my reading was chiefly to learn things, expand my mind, or for fun. As for pony literature I gave this Equestrian Guide to Citizenship a try. Wasn't too bad, though the author seemed off his rocker. I also read The Fall of Princess Lunawhich was apparently out of circulation for a while.
Tragic story. I couldn't imagine the horror Celestia felt when her sister fell to the darkside. History of the Penguin Wars was very interesting. It read kind of like a Tom Clancy novel, except with magic and evil penguins as the villains. The Stokehouse was apparently the classic pony horror novel, with slavery as the central terror than, say, death. Though having your mind torn from you, all control removed is scary to any sapient lifeform.
The Adventures Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur Daring Do were also pretty good as far as contemporary stuff went.
Given the nature of their world, 'fantasy' was basically everyday literature. Disaster novels were popular, the survival of the everyman or rather, everypony in incredible situations something to enjoy, though Clark Terry / Bob Brookmeyer Quintet - Tonight only got that from the nurse.
Really, the differences were fairly minor otherwise. It might be a recurring theme with brain-thinking, mammalian tool using species. I looked up from my current book and stared at her as she hovered around.
Dash shrugged. I brought my tortoise in for a check up, I don't have anything to do until he's done," she said. I would have asked why she didn't take her tortoise to a vet, but the peculiarities of veterinarians versus real doctors were still a bit of a mystery to me.
I mean, okay, I had been taken to a vet first time I'd gotten injured on this planet but I think it had more to do with distance than Twilight's opinion of me. How I break them. That was pretty cool, how you translated what I do into egghead language! I found a lot of my long forgotten math classes were coming back to me in the absence of Let's be honest, computers. Working for a living on an alien world, and a bit of tutoring from Twilight had brought it all back to me.
Doing the math for a Sonic Rainboom was a way to relieve the boredom and prove to Twilight I wasn't a dumb ape about numbers. She rubbed the top Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur her head now. Like gravity. A gee is a gee, so I heard Twilight said there might be a way to boost my speed and I was wondering if you could get her to work out the numbers and stuff," she said. She smiled.
A long night's sleep improved my disposition considerably, and I asked for some books on mathematics and some pen, paper and an abacus. At least according to the book I learned mathematics from, most mathematicians were terrible at arithmetic.
The key was in understanding how numbers function and what you want them to do. IE, stuff they don't exactly teach you in school. As a result, I had been forced to laboriously relearn mathematics, break my mind of bad habits. It's tough enough to learn as an elementary school kid, it's even tougher when you're older. Still, I had a functional grasp, though certainly nothing fancy, of the basics of advanced mathematics.
Study lessons and weekly quizzes with Twilight certainly aided in my growth in the subject. At a high enough speed she won't be able to propel herself, I thought to myself. I scribbled some notes. Maybe if there was a spell to increase the density of the air around her wings The problem with that would be added friction, of course, but considering she could take over a thousand gees without trouble I was sure we could 32-20 Blues - John Hammond* - Country Blues out a way around that.
The door opened, and I looked up to see Twilight Sparkle enter with a smile. I managed a nod with my whole upper body, and pointed to my notes. Twilight snatched up a few with her telekinesis and read through them, nodded or shaking her head every so often.
It might be possible to increase the density of the air around her wings as she goes faster. I'll have to run the calculations again," Twilight said thoughtfully.
I shrugged, and then looked at her questioningly as Hello! - Various - The Book Of Mormon - Original Broadway Cast Recording cleared away my work. She smiled cheerfully. Anthropology at your school home on Earth, correct?
Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur held them up. Nodding with my whole body was tiring, so I held up my hand like a sock puppet and had it nod. Twilight blinked a few times, before she got it and smiled. Anyway," she said as she placed the sketches in my lap, along with a notepad, blank paper and pencil. As well as some notes on what the male of your species looks for in a mate, in general, and you specifically.
Came on too strong. That's an understatement, I thought dryly. Still, I waved her off anyway. I mean, we were Killer 4 - Marco Werba - Giallo (Original Soundtrack) alien to one another and frankly, explaining I was a little freaked out at romantic attraction to someone outside my species would require me to speak. Probably very quickly to avoid hurting her feelings too badly.
If that was the case. If not, I needed to speak quickly to avoid embarrassing the two of us. Avant Que Lombre. - Mylene Farmer* - MP3 nodded with my hand puppet again, and began some quick sketches. On the far left of the piece of paper, I drew the basic body plan of a supermodel on meth-Skinny beyond belief, and despite their ornamental nature, most men were not really attracted to them.
On the far right side of the paper, I drew the kind of women I couldn't help think of as "living boulders". When I was little I pretended one of them would fall over and roll after me like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Obviously there were outliers, men who found this body plan attractive but frankly, they couldn't be a large percentage.
I drew a scale of figures Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur between, and marked the middle bit running from the girl who is on the verge of working out too much to the girl who is generously called voluptuous as the average of human male desire. I wrote down some general turn ons for men, physical and nonphysical.
Hey, we have them too. Personally I went for intelligent women, kind maternal women, or fiery women. More often than not though I ended up dating crazy women, though that might just be male bias talking.
I shrugged, but I gave it my best shot. Running purely from female instinct, I wrote that the majority of females of the human species prefer tall men, who were athletic to some degree. Emotionally women in general wanted more sensitive men when it came to long term stuff like child rearing, but preferred a balance between manliness and sensitivity. Being personally attractive and super confident but a jerk an alpha, in other words worked for women who only wanted short term relationships.
Longer term they wanted guys who would stick it out with them but the more successful relationships were the ones where the men maintained their personal attractiveness and confidence as best they could. Okay, I was vague but let's be honest: With the social sciences you're always being a generalist. Give me a break. In a lot of ways, it's not too different from our species," Twilight mused as she read it over.
It'll put some ideas that, er Certain ponies have been having to rest. She looked over her shoulder with a flush. Could you let me go please? I waved my hand around for her to explain, while still holding onto her tail. Twilight sighed, and trotted back to the side of the bed. There were a few ponies in the village who think you're, well I mean, uh, ponies having relationships outside their species isn't unheard of Actually, it's fairly common. Nopony thinks it's really weird. I mean you've seen Spike, right?
He's attracted to Rarityand he's a dragon! It's not the first time at all! And you haven't shown any sign you're even attracted despite all of this going on, so For, uh, scientific purposes that is," Twilight said quickly.
I stared at her in shock. She backtracked, quickly. You know Pretending attraction would make ponies think of you as Maybe a little more normal. Relatively speaking," she said.
Okay, I guess we'll just Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur about this later then? I groaned. Get better soon! With that, she trotted out.
I groaned again, wondering how the hell I was going to explain this I clenched the blanket in between my fingers as the doctor did his work. I was always nervous when sharp objects were near my face, due to an unfortunate incident in high school when a freshman had "jokingly" thrust a pair of scissors at my face, and I'd gotten a scar on my cheek for my troubles. It wasn't a particularly big scar either, just a small thin line a few millimeters to the right of my Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur.
Not particularly brag worthy. He reached up to the brace and began to undo the plastic fasteners. They were hideously chapped. I was thankful the ponies did have a petroleum industry, albeit one devoted mostly to plastics and medicines. Magic and horsepower ha provided the motive power for most vehicles and the energy needed to run electricity, at least in Ponyville. I very slowly opened my mouth, and worked my jaw.
Stiff," I pronounced. The doctor nodded. Take it easy with talking and eating for a few days and you should be just fine. Something that wasn't liquid? I was all over that, and I soon exited the hospital with a nice watermelon lollipop at the corner of my mouth like a cigarette. I looked around, frowning a bit. I could have sworn Pinkie Pie Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur someone would be waiting for me out here. Maybe they hadn't been messaged about my release?
As my work schedule was more contract based, I headed into town to look around and relax a little. It was pretty quiet. The market place was bustling, there were foals running around enjoying their day off. Oh no. I tried in vain to look around, as though they were referring to some other Andrew. I was dragged to the blacksmith's shop. Well, it was more like a combination machining and blacksmith shop, a forge and metal working equipment a plenty inside, but "blacksmith" had become the basic title for any metal worker Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur matter how advanced the technology Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur used.
Within, Smokestack, the tall, dark and strong proprietor of the establishment, looked up as the Cutie Mark Crusaders and I came in. To the CMCs, he gave an indulgent smile.
To me, he gave a snort. I did what? Applebloom coughed and looked to the side. Scootaloo grinned uneasily. Sweetie Belle tried to hide behind a table. And actually Alex came up and sang with us as well.
Or family members, perhaps? Say I write something, the first person I show is my sister and she just tells me if she likes it Catch these must-see shows from the Melbourne Festival before they close this week. Celebrate the life of the original Star Man in epic style with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra and special guests.
The Dark Chorus Australian choreographer Lucy Guerin presents a brand new work exploring the ages old duality of light and shadow. So, the other two members of Thigh Master flew over, and an ad-hoc tour was born.
It took me half-an-hour to get from one side of the room to the stage, because the bodies were so crammed in. Brisbane, going to shows, discovering this whole new world of house shows and DIY. A lot of the lyrical content was from a very different point of time in my life.
I had a pretty contorted view on reality. I was having a lot of trouble with pharmaceutical medications and alcohol, I had a pretty blurry sense of the world around me. Through Youve Got It - Geordie - Give It All You Got (File, Album) time, the band was definitely a help.
It was an outlet that made me feel a little more stable; while I was doing it, I felt in control. Scott spat out lyrics with trademark venom, The EG Allstars had mad grins plastered across their faces while performing this track and we thrashed around, glowing with pride about our local music scene. A dude in our office even has a Carol ringtone; people are obsessed over that song! Many fans that are ridiculously attached to Tales will probably reach a little tentatively for the play button when preparing to digest its follow-up, Joy.
Not be forced to listen to it. I wanted to wear my Fitzroy jumper and somehow I ended up Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur the fucking bike shorts, and Steve got to wear the cool Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur jumper!
Yeah, bit of. What about this? Why have you made me dance around in bike shorts? So would he consider blogging? Often, their work is discussed in terms of bracing, noisy punkrock. However, Bonny Wood Green - Various - Music At Matt Molloys does somewhat sell them short. A little bit more accessible. A little bit read: marginally shinier. But, rather than simply shove Scott forward, the band as a whole have tightened their style and songwriting.
It is, all in all, a decisive improvement on an alreadyoutstanding formula. Lisa Mitchell has always had an ear for a good melody and a good line. On Warriors, with the When A Man Loves A Woman - Various - When A Man Loves A Woman of US producer Eric J Flume, Chet Fakershe largely abandons the comfort zone of her piano and acoustic guitar in favour of arrangements that are sparer and with more gloomy corners to offset her, at times, sugary pastel impulses.
The result is her best release to date. The Boys points the way. Then the title track turns out to be not an anthem of empowerment, but a bleak lament for the passing of youth:. Perhaps too long. In they have traded in their jangly psycho-pop and wry silliness for a lot more production and a bit too much seriousness. The album kicks off with a soundscape that builds into an epic crescendo. The album as Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur whole Danger - ThreeoRick Margitza - Threeo like it is about this very problem - a failure to launch - but it goes too far in making its point.
The track also gives. Her trademark wispy head-voice is still her goto, but here the cutesiness gives way to something richer, and surely more enduring. Tim Kroenert. The tracks that follow, however, are repetitive albeit well- and cleverly-produced Afro house-infused shoegaze. At first this is interesting, but by track five you really want it launch into something more.
There are a few catchy songs that people will bob their heads to in the car and a few more that are waiting for a late-night dancefloor. Samantha Jonscher. Holing up in his hometown of Omaha with just a guitar, piano and harmonica, Oberst does what he does best weaving his personal, political and social ruminations into vivid lyric narratives. The spare arrangements illuminate the direct yet sophisticated lyrics, delivered in that distinctive lisping lilt, which oozes pathos with every syllable.
Building A Beginning is some relief after his uninspiring eponymous release, particularly the sensationally gorgeous I Live To Make You Smile; one of his most touching moments to date with just a touch of Stevie Wonder creeping through in his vocal inflections.
Building A Beginning features decent songwriting backed by some lush arrangements, but without much innovation or exploration, diminishing returns are inevitable.
The layered vocals are a little wispy, folksy and fluid, giving these songs an almost androgynous perspective. Meanwhile, Drippin rolls out robust beats, danceable rhythms and gauzy synth textures that seemingly have a brash personality of their own. Their live act emphasises might over matter, lending credibility to the theory. This is not so on record. Sonicology is a trip - heavy on groove but far less dominant in terms of volume and texture. Syrupy funk and smoky production come together for a laid-back late night rock record.
On Arctic Thunder there are occasional nods to old school, proto-metal influences, particularly on the urgent, elemental riffs of the title track. In Bairro Do Amor - Lena DÁgua & Helena Vieira & Rita Guerra - As Canções Do Século Ao Vivo No Casino last column I said I moved to Melbourne from Sydney four years ago.
A lot of my favourite bands at the time were from Melbourne. Melbourne is better than that. Also getting some serious playtime in my 45 sets is a bomb from the Dusty Donuts label released earlier in the year. If you love to get crowds moving, then you need this in your life. Lead track What You Need will have you swerving in no time and with that, I am out of here.
In their everyday life, this person seems well-adjusted and content, and when the topic of internet trolling is raised, they suggest that whoever is doing it simply wants to see everyone freak out. Furore, they believe, is fun. Fine in the sense that it has terrific texture in terms of many of its locations, some of its characters and the bulk of its milieu. Ever eager to board the controversy express, certain writers probably acting under the aegis of certain editors have found a handful of Twitter nonsense claiming that the show is racist because of its dearth of white people.
Sahara Beck marries her shortlived set with interludes of surprisingly comfortable silence. Playing just a handful of Bondage - Pain Teens / God And Texas - Bondage / 1066 to the incoming Corner Hotel crowd, the performance is both lilting and haunting with sublime vocal riffs and subdued guitar.
The most disappointing thing about The Creases show tonight is that it is disappointing at all. Somehow, though, these things come together to make something overtly dissonant and internally unbalanced. However, when the fog clears, the rest of the band are undoubtedly in top form. Harmonies between Cromack and bassist Jennifer Boyce. When the piano of Coming Down slowly breathes in, so to does an almost religious experience.
We were disappointed to have missed the display for we had been in the only remaining tiny north-south segment of the Earth's surface that had not enjoyed the view. Regretfully we swallowed the bitter cup of disappointment and tried to console ourselves in the fact that we had enjoyed a unique experience of our own in the Southern Seas. There was no disguising our disappointment however and we all fell into a subdued mood. Such was the In The Moment - The Entertainers - The Entertainers pride and disappointment that all mention of our not having seen it was dropped.
It put a bit of a damper on the reunion but the general excitement of seeing our friends soon pulled us out of our depressions Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur eventually forgot all reference to the meteor and Ire Feeling - Rupie Edwards - Rupies Gems to visit the Outback.
Our intention was to cross Australia by car while our friends sailed the boat round to Sydney. Soon we were deep in the remote outback and visiting the various sights. It was only when we arrived in Sydney that the bombshell struck.
Six weeks after the visit the incidence of pregnancies started to sharply reduce until by the seventh week Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur a single pregnancy was being reported anywhere on the planet. Apparently, there had been some form of intermittent short-wave radiation that had rendered all the male population sterile. It is needless to dwell upon the outcome of this situation except to relate that the human race faced extinction like the dinosaurs after the Yucatan impact.
Even if scientists managed to clone some humans they would lose the capacity for variation that sexual reproduction presented. Humans would become totally vulnerable to microscopic attack by bacteria and viruses as they lost the ability to evolve. Politicians and scientists held meetings all around the world but the upshot was that no more babies were being conceived and mankind was facing Armageddon. Religious leaders preached that it was the hand of God and warned that the last trumpet had been blown.
Riots and religion broke out in equal proportions as the normal fabric of society was torn asunder. Small wars erupted as one state accused another of having found a solution and not sharing it. A world war was averted because the Stevie Wright - Hard Road thing the more rational leaders could agree on was the fact that the meteor had caused it and everybody was affected.
Everybody assumed that the whole surface of the Earth was affected and the whole of mankind had been exposed to its deadly effects. As these facts were presented and argued publicly, I became more and more certain that neither Bernard nor I had been affected. Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur had neither seen nor heard about the comet for we had been delayed on the remote and uninhabited island deep in the Southern Ocean Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur long before the meteors arrival until long after its departure.
My child was still a little too young to understand the facts yet and I resolved to keep it that way until I could see my way clear. If I could keep it a secret during the whole of my world cruise then I could Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur more fully back in my laboratories at home.
Fortunately, none of the others put two and two together so Bernard and I enjoyed our peace and tranquillity for that much longer.
The irony of our situation was not lost on me. I secretly Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur at the world and the whole human race as it sought a solution that I was sure I already had.
My secret self-assurance was not to last however. Some two weeks after we had left New Zealand bound for Polynesia Bernard came up to me whilst Jenny and I were enjoying a quiet evening spell on watch.
He gently inveigled himself alongside me on the chartroom settee and nervously whispered in my ear. I know that I'm a hermaphrodite and that I have both sets of stuff down there. Look- I have to wear a bra now all the time now that these Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur grown, He cupped his breasts in his bikini top. So I may as well become a girl. Jeanette seems to have much more fun with her stiff little tickly.
They get all the fun and I get nothing. It's not fair. I was stunned at the thought of Bernard wanting a full sex change. The thought of his wanting that had never crossed my mind and the irony of one of the only two fertile males on the whole planet wanting a sex change left me breathless with confusion.
Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur cuddled Bernard to me and cautioned him to be patient. I hinted at the many pleasures he would enjoy when he was older provided he kept his dual sexuality. He peered in to my face uncertainly and bit his lip so I squeezed him again to try and reassure him. As he pressed against me I felt his maidenly breasts against my own and his nipples start to harden.
He became a little embarrassed and pulled away from me slightly. The bulge in his bikini bottoms had grown and I realised he was embarrassed by his own body. He discreetly crossed his legs in an attempt to cover his condition then he spoke again.
But we'll have to change your passport and that will take some time. Do you think you can hold out until then? He nodded and gave me a happy cuddle before slipping self-consciously onto the deck to attend to one of the sails that was flapping. Bernard was definitely a Bernadette. I frowned inwardly. There was no way I could let Bernard have a sex change.
He had yet to realise that he and I were the only sources of sperm on the whole planet and I had to complete some tests to determine what, if any, genetic variation there was between us. Jenny intuitively realised that I had something on my mind and slipped below to make some cocoa. There was little to do steering-wise. It was fine evening and the yacht was A Pesar De Estos Tiempos - Norge Batista - Búscame Adentro free before the breeze.
I decided to chat with Margaret when she came up to take over. After I had handed over I settled on the settee and voiced my concerns to her. Margaret was well experienced in these things for all her experience at Miss Lanes Academy could be brought to bear.
After I had mentioned Bernard's wishes she sat silently digesting her thoughts before opening up. If he wants to be a girl Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur can easily be arranged. It's the sooner the better at his age. His birth certificate had a special endorsement under sex so it should be no problem to get him a passport as a girl.
If we post the photos and forms from the consulate in Tahiti we could collect the passport at the consulate in San Francisco. Then Bernard can restart life as Bernadette whenever he likes.
It surprises me though that he wants to go fully as a girl. Have you explained all the options open to him yet? I stalled for a moment debating whether to reveal all to Margaret. She studied my body language and spoke again. I bit my lower lip as I debated whether to take the plunge or not. Margaret realised that there was still some unfinished business and waited patiently. We knew each other's ways exactly and she could tell I still had something on my mind.
Margaret stared at me and leaned across the wheelhouse to close the door to the cabins. We had been through many storms together and she knew I had a problem. She realised I was going through hell and had something of great portent to divulge. I mean we were never exposed to its effects. I plotted its course and everything.
There was never less than a couple of hundred miles of rock between us. My sperm are wriggling and alive. According to the publications I've managed to see. There is no live sperm produced at all by the rest of the population, simply a sterile fluid with no signs of any sperm; dead or alive. The sun had set by now. The whispering breeze and creaking rigging forced themselves into my brain as we sat in silence. I gently eased her over towards the settee where I loosened the buttons of her blouse and undid her bra so she could breath more easily.
I then sat stroking her head as she slowly recovered. She lay with her Honolulu Spaceship - Various - Jungle Jazz Vol. 3 in my lap and eventually looked up into my eyes.
I fetched a glass and some tablets from the medicine cabinet as she sat upright again and studied me from the corner of the settee.
Her gaze un-nerved me and I felt forced to speak. Don't just stare like that. What do you suggest? I tell you, the only place on Earth that any semen is being made is right here on this boat; in here. If I demanded a sample she might put two and two together. She's growing up and she's not slow. If she got Susan pregnant, then she shit would really hit the fan. Do you think Bernard will catch on? Eventually he- I mean she- will. I think it would be better if we did tell him: - or her as she likes to be known now.
Margaret had said more or less what I had been hoping to hear. I had only been looking for another and perhaps wiser head to support my conclusions. Additionally, if we were going to get a sperm sample from her, we would have to honest otherwise it would only worry her. There was no time like the present so we called Bernadette back to the wheelhouse where Margaret could chat with her.
Bernadette returned with a mug of cocoa that she had prepared as a nightcap. Margaret and I had often exchanged glances when we had studied Bernadette in her Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur outfits.
The only incongruence was the telltale bulge straining at the front of her costume. Bernadette now moved, thought, behaved and lived entirely as a girl. We knew we would have to explain the situation and then describe the range of options open to her.
Gently we broke the news to her and described what we wanted. She was extremely nervous at first but eventually, like a frightened young filly, she fidgeted and fretted as we finally managed to persuade her of a sample.
Then after some more questions and answers we gently tucked her into bed to sleep on the options. If Bernadette decided to be the same as me then she would have to have her testicles relocated internally. This would of course reduce the sperm count but it gave her the splendid Love X Love - Various - Disco Mix Club - November 1983 - Tape 1 options of fatherhood and motherhood.
Wearily I told Margaret and then I slumped onto the bed alongside Veronica. My head rested between her forelegs with my lips close to her pussy. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app. Purchasable with Had Enough Of This Shit - Gun Barrel Straights - Front and Centaur card. A limited run of these beautiful, gm cherry pies! Wear the unforgettable image of Centaur Bob Hawke taking a hanger! We all remember where we were that day. This is our small tribute to an unforgettable moment in Australian sport, and politics.
Had Enough Of This Shit Home Winnie Magnificent
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